Words of Wisdom (funny)

1. I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

2. Someday we'll look back on this and plow into a parked car.

3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

4. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

6. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

7. My reality check bounced.

8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

9. Slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter!

10. Don't meddle in the affairs of dragons, cuz, like, you're crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

11. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.