I Must Be a SENIOR CITIZEN!

I'm the life of the party...even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a thing you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories; over and over and over and over...
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as cute as mine.
I'm so cared for -- long term care, eye care, private care, dental care.
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, loud music, unruly kids, commercials, barking dogs, politicians and a few other things I can't remember.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like.......
I'm realizing that aging is not for wimps.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days, and when did they let kids become policemen?
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
I'm a walking storeroom of facts.....I've just lost the key to the storeroom door.