Monday, March 31, 2008
Grandma's Pies (funny)
"It's a family secret," she said, "So promise not to tell. I roll out the dough, then cut a bottom layer and carefully put it in the pie plate. Then I slowly pour the filling, making sure it's not too full. Next I cut a top layer and put it over the filling. Finally I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust and they make the nicest impressions you ever did see."
Sunday, March 30, 2008
"God lives under the bed" (inspiring story)
My brother Kevin thinks God lives under his bed. At least that's what I heard him say one night. He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped outside his closed door to listen. "Are you there, God?" he said. "Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the bed." I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin's unique perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in. He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he's 6-foot-2), there are few ways in which he is an adult. He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas, and that airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them.
I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life? Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our cocker spaniel, return to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, and later to bed. The only variation in the entire scheme is laundry, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child.
He does not seem dissatisfied. He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of simple work. He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day's laundry chores.
And Saturdays - oh, the bliss of Saturdays. That's the day my Dad takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. "That one's goin' to Chi-car-go!" Kevin shouts as he claps his hands. His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights. And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips.
He doesn't know what it means to be discontent. His life is simple. He will never know the entanglements of wealth or power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats. His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be. His hands are diligent. Kevin is never so happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it. He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax.
He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is pure. He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue. Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God. Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ, he comes as a child. Kevin seems to know God - to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an "educated" person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion.
In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity, I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith. It is then that I am most willing to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions. It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap - I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances - they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God's care. Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God. And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I'll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed. Kevin won't be surprised at all!
When you read this, say a prayer. That's all you have to do. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.
There is no cost, but a lot of rewards. FRIENDS ARE ANGELS WHO LIFT US TO OUR FEET WHEN OUR WINGS HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING HOW TO FLY.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Funny Story about A.A.A.D.D.
I thought it would help to know there are others out there. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!
Do you have A.A.A.D.D?
They have finally found a diagnosis for my condition. I have recently been diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.! Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder...
This is how it goes: I decide to wash the car; I start toward the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to wash the car, but first I'm going to go through the mail. I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail, and notice the trash can is full. I'll just put the bills on my desk and take the trash can out, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway, I'll go ahead and pay these few bills first. Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there's the coke I was drinking. I'm going to look for those checks, but first I need to put my coke further away from the computer, or maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while. I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye, they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and uh oh! There are my glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I'd better put them away first. I fill a container with water and head for the flower pots - - Aaaaaagh! Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We'll never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I'd better put it back in the family room where it belongs. I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do?
End of Day: The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can't seem to find my car keys! When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!! I realize this is a serious condition and I'll get help, BUT FIRST I think I'll check my e-mail...
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Cool Stuff You Really Should Know (part 1 of 2)
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
Almonds are members of the peach family.
The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.
The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
"Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."
There are only four words in the English language which end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.
The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokai-wenuakitnatahu, a New Zealand hill.
Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, "L.A."
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
(NOTE: Part 2 of this list will be posted next Thursday)
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Men's Rules
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
4. Crying is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
9. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
11. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
12. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
13. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
14. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
15. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
16. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear IS fine... Really.
18. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
19. You have enough clothes.
20. You have too many shoes.
21. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
22. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can, to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can, to give them a bigger laugh!
(To read "Women's Rules For Men" click here.)
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Duct Tape or a Nail
St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart."
"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"
"Three points?" he says. "Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithe and service."
"Terrific!" says St. Peter. "That's certainly worth a point."
"One point!?!!" "I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."
"Fantastic, that's good for two more points," replied St. Peter.
"Two points!?!!" Exasperated, the man cries. "At this rate the only way I'll get into heaven is by the grace of God."
"Bingo, 100 points! Come on in!"
We often try to fix problems with WD-40 and duct tape.
God did it with a nail!
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Kid's and Praying
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
It's Palm Sunday!

Saturday, March 15, 2008
The 7 Ups
Decide to have a good day.
"This is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it."
Psalms 118:24
2. Dress Up !!
The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." I Samuel 16:7
3. Shut Up !!
Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking.
"He who guards his lips guards his soul." Proverbs 13:3
4. Stand Up !! . . .
for what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.
"Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good..."
Galatians 6:9-10
5. Look Up !! . . .
to the Lord.
"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me".
Philippians 4:13
6. Reach Up !!. . .
for something higher.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."
Proverbs 3:5-6
7. Lift Up !!. . .
your Prayers.
"Do not worry about anything; instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING."
Philippians 4:6
A POSITIVE THOUGHT
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring, and a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.
He could live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.
What about the Christmas gift He sent you in Bethlehem; not to mention that Friday at Calvary.
Face it. He's crazy about you.
Remember . . . God answers Knee-Mail!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Memo From God
To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE
I am God.
Today I will be handling all of your problems.
Please remember that I do not need your help.
If life happens to deliver a situation to you
that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it.
Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box.
It will be addressed in My time, not yours.
Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold on to it
If you find yourself stuck in traffic; don't despair.
There are people in this world for whom driving is an
unheard of priviledge.
Should you have a bad day at work;
think of the man who has been out of work for years.
Should you despair over a relationship gone bad;
think of the person who has never known what it's like
to love and be loved in return.
Should you grieve the passing of another weekend;
think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day,
seven days a week to feed her children.
Should your car break down, leaving you miles away
from assistance;
think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity
to take that walk.
Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror;
think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she
had hair to examine.
Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what
is life all about, asking what is my purpose?
Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long
enough to get the opportunity.
Should you find yourself the victim of other people's
bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities;
temember, things could be worse.
You could be them!!!!
Should you decide to send this to a friend;
you might brighten someone's day!